Clueless//

At 2:30 AM last night reality hit me.
This year I'll be turning 17.
This year I'll start my senior year.
This year I'll apply to college.
Some of the biggest decisions I'll ever make will all happen this year.
I have no idea where or what I want to do with my life.
I hate not being sure of myself, but as of now im 100% clueless.
All of my friends will go off to some boring ass college and marry boring ass people and get a boring ass job.
I just dont want that to be me.
I want to live an extraordianrly unique life.
I refuse to work in an office where everyone repeats the same task everyday.

The snow fell slowly,
kind of like I fell for you.
Little by little it made an impact,
like you did to me.
I feel like one of those cars you see in a ditch,
Spun out of control,
Kind of like we did.
So everytime there's a snow storm,
and I get worried
and I get scared,
I'll just remmeber,
You're my snow storm.





And somehow I find peace in that.

day 2: thoughts

Today was filled with nothing but awkward eye contact and strange tension.
You ignored me.
I ignored you.
It's a typical thing really.
I can tell you're upset about it.
I know you can tell I am too.
The sad thing about it is that you actually made me want to be a better person.
I don't know how to describe it but I really just liked how I am when I'm around you.
Now that part of me is gone.
I guess I'll be lucky if I ever see it again.
But maybe next time I'll know better than to waste my time on someone like you.

You

At this point I don't even know how to put my emotions into words.
You're sweet, charming, enduring, and contagious; so I guess that's why I fell for you so fast.
All of this was so unexpected, you and I.... or whatever we are.
I wish I could change things between us, but me being a psychotic bitch, and you being a deceiving asshole, we could just never work.
I should have listened to them when they told me to run.
I should have ran, far.
But what did I do?
Run into your arms instead.
Now I'm here crying over things I can't change.
Things probably won't ever be the same between us, 9th period will probably always be awkward.
I still like you but I don't think things would have ever worked out anyway.
But don't worry about me, I'm used to this kinda thing.
Most guys fuck me over anyway.
It's funny because you said you weren't like most guys, but you're not...
You're worse.